“Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far theLordhas helped us.”” (1 Samuel 7:12, NASB95)
Our first Kentucky ‘home’ was located on the Oldham-Henry county line. The people were incredible and the soil is tillable farm land and not overly rocky. When I unearthed this little beast in 2000, I thought it had the makings of a natural marker. I set it up in the landscape of the house I was helping to build at the time. This stone became Michelle’s and my ‘Ebenezer.’ The Lord had helped us through so much and I remembered that truth every time I passed by.
When God moved us from Sligo, KY to a land further north and east, Ebenezer came with us. I set Ebenezer near our front door. The reminder that God was helping was needed truth. When we moved again, we put Ebenezer in a ‘safe place’ so that the testimony would remain.
We moved yet again, building a house ground-up and we tried our hand at farming…rocks. Tilling the ground in Bracken county is nothing like the soil we enjoyed at the turn of the millennium.
I dug up all these rocks, using them as a foundation for our front porch.
And these rocks too.
And these rocks out of our garden.
And these rocks as well.
But wait! There is more. An endless supply!
Ebenezer resided at the start of our long gravel drive and gradually became ignored among all the other stones in our lives. The truth represented was not overlooked, but Ebenezer was lost. When I released Ebenezer from heavy overgrowth this past week, what joy to recall how God has helped us this far.
Michelle struggled these past 10 days. Her pain became increasingly unmanageable and Wednesday we had an unplanned visit to the cancer clinic at the hospital. The treatment Michelle received was effective and a true blessing. Michelle is now on even stronger pain medicines than before, but the number of pills she has to take daily is far less and her comfort increased. She is still awake and aware and puttering around the house making sure her home is as close to being as she desires it to be. The Lord has helped us thus far and Michelle feels better than she has since this current round of immunotherapy commenced over a month ago. We are grateful.
September 3 will be a milestone date (pun intended). The ‘last try’ immunotherapy’s efficacy will be evaluated that day and decisions made on how to proceed. As you pray, please ask for clarity in the test results and wisdom as to the next step on the journey.
In the interim, Ebenezer will be standing ‘in the way’ once again, serving as memorial of God’s help thus far.
Just a few hours after the confirmation of Michelle’s cancer diagnosis last year, this song popped up on my Apple Music feed. This was the first of an avalanche of blessings we are experiencing and a lesser miracle. I don’t listen to this genre of music. I’d never heard of the artist. I rarely let Apple or Spotify or Pandora pick music for me. The algorithm should not have put this song on my playlist. Preschool music selections would have made more sense! I have grandchildren whose parents occasionally ‘pollute’ my music feed while they visit and those songs do hit occasionally, much to my chagrin. This song didn’t ‘belong.’
This intrusion serves as testimony from the first that God was present, active, and in control.
Initial interactions with the cancer care doctors were bewildering at best. However, Michelle’s first nurse was a woman who lives in the same town and attended the same congregation I served as a pastor. Our assigned social worker is a woman I baptized as a child and whose mother and father I also served as pastor. These were familiar and compassionate faces amidst all the in and out of medical team members. Blessing!
Michelle’s assigned medical team were confident that they could help, even arrest the spread of an aggressive and ‘deadly’ cancer. They focused in on the fact that even though there was no question that Michelle had cancer, her bloodwork results were that of a healthy person (minus the cancer markers). The first set of treatments Michelle tolerated well, the second set resulted in level 3 liver toxicity. The treatment to reverse the damage restored her cancer-ridden liver to full functioning. What could have, and often does, result in hospitalization or death, was simply an uncomfortable episode. The planned cancer treatment failed, but Michelle stayed in good spirits and was still even working outside our home. Difficult days, but full of blessing.
The cost of the initial treatments neared $300,000 in first 3 months. No surgery, no hospitalization, just tests and immunotherapy drugs. Our portion after insurance, drug company assistance etc., was not only small but we were able to pay in cash. This blessing is ongoing to this day even as the total cost of her medical care currently has $1,000,000 on the not too distant horizon.
The immunotherapy regimen the doctors felt held great promise failed. Michelle was referred to and accepted into a clinical trial. The trial assisted in covering ongoing costs of medical care and provided us with an entirely different medical team and treatment venue. This change was a blessing of immense proportion.
Jesus-family stepped in and helped fill gaps in travel and support for Michelle allowing me to fulfill the responsibilities of my job while knowing Michelle was under loving capable care. My boss restructured our group to provide some extra space for me to be away to take care of Michelle and to be a bit less stressful while at the job. Jesus-family who had specialized expertise gave sound counsel and also assisted us in negotiating the legal and medical labyrinth into which most people are placed in similar circumstances. Our pastor and his wife and son, some of the worship leaders Michelle worked with over the years and our small group members came to our home and sang with Michelle and prayed over her. Mega blessings.
The cancer continued to spread and do its damage. Michelle developed a fracture in her vertebrae. The drugs prescribed to manage the pain eliminated Michelle’s ability to work outside the home or to drive. She became deathly ill: a combination of side effects of a test drug and the pain medicine. We alerted the medical team and they made necessary adjustments. I didn’t expect Michelle to survive May, but she did. Her overall ‘quality of life’ rebounded better than a superball dropped off a roof. An amazing blessing received.
Our daughter who lives in South Korea was able to visit for an extended period of time with one of our granddaughters this spring. Our daughter in central Kentucky arranged to spend an afternoon/evening with us weekly to help out and just encourage her mom. Our son helped complete the bunkhouse building which he and our grandchildren have available to them during their bi-weekly weekend stays. Blessing, blessing, blessing.
My sister came in from North Carolina and helped with doctor visits and lifted the general mood. My mom took up several responsibilities in order to free up time for me to serve Michelle. My brothers and their spouses are continual encouragements. Blessing.
We received cards, phone calls, texts, financial gifts and other thoughtful encouragements locally, throughout this nation and even from overseas. People we have not met or only know as acquaintances have shared the love of Jesus with us in truly meaningful ways. Blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing and more blessing.
I should write more, for there are even more blessings to celebrate. I’ve missed chronicling many significant gifts from the Lord. There are so many more ways God demonstrates us unmerited favor in this challenging season.
Michelle’s pain is incrementally becoming harder to manage. Her ability to go out is becoming more difficult as car-travel hurts her and being away from home for more than a couple of hours can be exhausting. Still, we’ve been able to go out and do some things together. We enjoyed a summer full of family. My brothers and their spouses even travelled into town to celebrate my mother’s upcoming 80th birthday (another lesser miracle-no one lives close to us).
Yes, he already knew how He would bless us and we are indeed truly blessed.
Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:3-4, NASB)
I inwardly cringe whenever I’m asked, ‘How are you?’. I will provide the reason for the automatic response in a later post (part 2). Today I’m going to just answer the question.
Before I write anything further, however, I want to express my deepest appreciation for the many who have asked me this question over the past seven months. I cannot remember one time when someone inquired without desiring an honest response. What a precious gift! I am thankful.
I am blessed. This is true, all the time. All the time, this is true. It is important to share why I can say this with confidence and with complete transparency. I will follow up in another post soon. There is so much to share.
I am at peace. From the onset of Michelle’s cancer, I knew that the best statistical chance for her remaining with us for five years was 13%. I read stories about those with the same subset of cancer who lived out the five years and many testimonials were just gruesome. Living seemed more of a punishment than a gift. The idea that God’s direct intervention was unnecessary was too ludicrous even to consider. I can trust God, so I can be at peace.
I am in pain. Sometimes, but not too often, I feel like everything between my shoulders and hips is like a wet dishrag being thoroughly wrung out. The prospect of a life without Michelle is just too much to bear. It hurts just like I described, many who will read this also know the feeling. The days Michelle and I have are gifts, but each day seems to end with Michelle a bit further away and that is a soul-ache.
I am tired. So many things whirl around me which limit my ability to deeply sleep. It isn’t new for me to not to rest. I’ve never been more than 5-7 hours a night guy. Now the lack of sleep coupled with near constant concern for Michelle has me occasionally dozing off at the dinner table. Embarrassing!
I am humbled. Experiencing life with Michelle as she deals with the reality of what is going on in her body with such a gentle spirit is challenging. It is my experience that if a person really wants to pursue holiness, genuine ‘right-ness’ with God, suffering has to be near. Michelle’s suffering shines light on parts of me that ‘just ain’t right’ and I’ve been doing much surrendering and confessing over the past eight months.
Iam joyful. I am not by nature a ‘joyful’ person. God made me a melancholic personality and I am learning to use who I am to bring God honor. Joy, I am discovering (over the past 2o or so years) is not a feeling like happiness, but rather the deep assurance that regardless of the circumstance I am boundlessly loved. Not only by God, but those who God indwells around me. To know, even for a moment, that deep assurance of love, is to know joy.
I am enthralled with all of Psalm 37, but verses 3-4 captivate my imagination. My favorite phrase is, ‘Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.’ I’ve diligently pursued obedience to this command. As a consequence, I’ve walked alongside people who endured sorrows too much to for them to ‘handle.’ I’ve wept for and with those whose hearts are crushed by catastrophe. I’ve stood nearby as the final breath of life left broken bodies. I’ve watched and learned and stored up and kept and cultivated. So many who I’ve known and now know form for me the Biblical ‘cloud of witnesses’ who compel me to stay in the race. So I shall. (Hebrews 12:1-3)
So that is ‘how I am.’
Honestly.
Michelle’s body seems to have done well with the ‘last concoction’ of immunotherapy the doctors tried. She is continuing to experience an elevation of her pain little by little. Our family who spent the whole summer with us are returning to South Korea, so we will be down 5 members in just a few days. That is just sad, but necessary.
A child and an adult holding hands on an autumn path
“Trust in theLordwith all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear theLordand turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.” (Proverbs 3:5–8, NLT)
Which path to take? Always a conundrum, often a dilemma.
For the Christian, walking is the embryonic act of faith. Jesus told those who would be his disciples to follow him. This was not theoretical statement, but rather a practical command. Belief alone does not require action, but true faith most certainly does. Simon (Peter), Andrew, James and John heard and ‘dropped and followed.’ (Matthew 4.18-22) The ‘righteous young man’ heard and did not follow. He believed ‘in Jesus,’ but his belief was empty. (Matthew 19.16-30)
Michelle faced a diverging path this week. She had to choose to try yet another immunotherapy combination that the doctor previously said would not work and wait for up to 9 weeks to be informed of changes inside her body. Alternatively, she could just stop treatments. We prayed about it together and she chose to allow the medical team one more shot at co-healing with our Lord.
For us it was a no lose proposition. From the beginning, it was clear that the only way for Michelle to get past this particular disease required God having to show His hand. It is so easy to think God can be passive in our lives and only should be called upon for the ‘big stuff.’ Got a cold? Take the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching stuffy-head, fever’ stuff. Don’t bother God. Got cancer? Get God on the line right away!
We both believe that both conditions are under God’s sovereignty. One of our childhood friend’s cause of death was a simple flu she contracted as a young adult. That hit hard. We need grace constantly to exist.
So we hope in Grace, not in treatments or really any other thing. We know that hope is assured, guaranteed by the character of the One who sent Jesus to do His will. So we wait. Michelle’s next treatment is three weeks from now. Another treatment is planned three weeks after, and subsequent scans to see if there is any response.
Here is how you can specifically pray: Thank God for the grace that although Michelle has ‘stage IV cancer’ that her bloodwork continually comes back as if she was a reasonably healthy adult. Ask God to continue to allow Michelle to have the improved quality of life she has experienced this past month with no treatment. Her cancer is ‘worse’ but her days were overall better. Ask God to continue to protect the integrity of her spine. She continues to be at high risk of serious spinal cord injury. Please continue to pray for her healing, that would be a lesser miracle we would be happy to see!
Thank you to the many who have inquired how I am doing. I will write a response to that question next Friday since we are hoping for no ‘medical’ updates for a couple of weeks. In the meantime, those who know me best, know the truth: I am truly and abundantly blessed.
There is a truth Western Christians largely ignore, and that some may not honestly even believe: the greatest Miracle of all time is Jesus’ conquering of sin and death through his advent, death, burial and resurrection. That Miracle is promised to be enjoyed by all who would place faith in Jesus as Lord and Savior and follow Him. (Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23, 14:26-27, John 12:25-26)
I am a skeptic by nature and historically questioned the reality of the Miracle over and over again. No matter how many arguments I consider, I cannot escape the certainty that the Miracle is true and by the Grace of the Sovereign and Living God we who are in Christ Jesus will experience it fully.
Lazarus died twice and that makes all the difference to me. Three days he is reported to have occupied the grave only to hear, ‘Come forth.’ (John 11:1-45) Lazarus lived for some time afterward, but his body again failed and back to the tomb he went. Tabitha was also retrieved from the dead, but her body failed again and she was washed, prepared for burial, and likewise interned. (Acts 9:36-42)
To be healed of sickness or disease is a lesser miracle. This the miracle so many are asking on behalf of Michelle and that she and I long to see. Were the miracle to be granted, however, some thing would eventually be inserted as cause of death. We both know that all too well.
We met with the oncologist and neurosurgeon this week. Michelle is no longer a candidate for clinical trials. The surgery she needs to repair the fracture in her vertebrae would be imprudent and may do far more harm than it could help. Scans from last week indicate that the cancer is both growing and spreading.
The oncologist asked if Michelle would try one more immunotherapy combination, but expressed doubt regarding the potential results. Michelle agreed to give treatment another attempt next week. If she tolerates the infusion, it will be an additional 7 week’s wait before the next set of cancer scans.
We know God is working. As I share weekly on this blog, I will give testimony to how I know this to be true. Our family is at peace waiting on God do work out that which is promised to be good.
About 130 years ago a Cincinnatian published a hymn he wrote. The words ring true in the halls of our hearts as we long for the greatest Miracle:
I am resolved no longer to linger, charmed by the world’s delight; things that are higher, things that are nobler, these have allured my sight.
I am resolved to go to the Savior, leaving my sin and strife; He is the true one, He is the just one, He has the words of life.
I will hasten to Him, hasten so glad and free; Jesus, greatest, highest, I will come to Thee.
My siblings and I are experiencing what many in our country are struggling through; how to lovingly take care of mom and dad when they are not well. Both my parents are moving around well enough to be independent, but both grapple with rare forms of cancer. I am told Mom has one of two active cases in the USA for her type of cancer. Dad’s particular form is 1 in 100,000 of similar cases.
The house Dad (re)built
Load 2 of 2 ready to go.
They’ve lived in the metropolis of LaBarge, Wyoming. The extraordinary Huntsman Cancer Institute was three hours away in Salt Lake, Utah. It became necessary for them to leave the home and Christian ministry they built together and move to Idaho with one of my brothers. Dad and Mom are beyond disappointed to no longer be able to serve the oil and gas field workers they have grown to love over the past decade. The reality is that my dad can no longer handle the 6,500 foot elevation while struggling with metastasized cancer lesions on his lungs.
A bit of LaBarge…not many more ‘bits’ left…
So, while mom was attending week-long appointments in Salt Lake, we finished emptying their home and moved them north. Several of the good people of Fellowship Baptist helped us and Pastor Gary Powell went above and beyond to serve us. I am proud of my siblings and their gracious spouses. Each one worked hard to help make the transition as easy as possible for my parents. The sacrifices our parents made for us over the years as well as the example they’ve set for us in their Jesus-freak care for others outside of our family made the task far easier than it would have been otherwise (they have a LOT of stuff!).
My family at @sievechurch graced me with time away this week, so I need to share a few pictures of the adventure of being in Eastern, Central, Mountain and Pacific time zones and back again beginning 6:40pm this past Monday night and ending about midnight Friday night. I am grateful I only had to travel in a four-wheeled vehicle the Salt Lake to Spokane portion of the route. I was in five different airports and seven different states along the way! (Kentucky, Minnesota, Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, Idaho, Montana and Washington)
Southern Idaho
Moving into Montana
This is Big Sky Country
Hour 10…on route from Wyoming through Idaho, Montana, and back to into Idaho
A New Place to Hang the Hat
The Surroundings!
The Master of the land…
…taking in all in.
Not exactly indicative of the flight routes, but this is fairly close.
TheNarrowRoadPursued 